Book_Junkie’s Neighborhood

For some reason I am very cold and a little sad.

My mom she came in and did what she does every year. She said "I didn't get my daughter enough for Christmas". Usually or rather in the past she has then taken me out to pick something. This year I said "yes you did and no you don't have to get me anything more".

Reasons why my mom gives me plenty and does plenty for me.

She listens to me obsess and be overly anxious.
She tells me repeatedly not to worry.
She always helped me in school when I needed it, from kindergarten on. I would not have gotten as far as I did if she had not helped me.
When she goes on vacation she always calls me once a day.
She worries about me if I go out at night, she always wants to know where I am at or where I'm going.
She tells me that I am a good person and that I am her sweet daughter even when I'm not feeling so much the good person.
Even though I get annoyed with her and some times am not always nice to her she still loves me and still refers to as her sweet daughter. (except I have this theory that you tend to take things out on the people you care about and that care about you because they'll love you no matter what or so you assume).
She taught me my love of reading.
She has always been there for me and supportive of me.
She lets me come in to her room at night so that I can talk her ear off even though she's tired.
She doesn't think she got me enough for Christmas but she did..she got me plenty because she loves me.

There are a lot more reasons but these are the most important ones.

Merry Christmas everyone.

Im going home
Downhearted and hoping
Im close to some new beginning
I know
Theres a reason for everything
That comes and goes

But so many people are looking to me
To be strong and to fight
But Im just surviving
I may be weak but Im never defeated
And Ill keep believing
In clouds with that sweet silver lining

Most days
I try my best to put on a brave face
But inside
My bones are cold and my heart breaks
But all the while
Somethings keeping me safe
And alive

But so many people are looking to me
To be strong and to fight
But Im just surviving
I may be weak but Im never defeated
And Ill keep believing
In clouds with that sweet silver lining 

I wont give up like this
I will be given strength
And now that Ive found it
Nothing can take that away

I'm done with school and I am exhausted but for some reason sleep has not been coming easily to me. I have been tossing and turning for the past three nights. I wake up around 1 am and I can' t seem to fall back to sleep for another hour. Then I woke up around 6 am and had the same problem. I am so exhausted and yet my mind won't let me sleep, it's just racing a million miles a minute. Hopefully tonight I will finally fall asleep.

Friday I had a ceremony that was just for my school. They had refreshments for us and we could talk with all the professors and our parents could meet with them as well. It wasn't a cap and gown ceremony so we just wore business casual clothing. I was so nervous that I pretty much didn't eat the entire day. I really don't like being the center of attention and I get really nervous being in front of crowds even if I don't have to say anything! They did pass  out a little certificate and did a couple of speeches.

That night my brother, dani and the kids showed up and brought New York Pizza which is just sooo yummy. We basically just talked for the night and didn't do anything exciting and then I went to bed early but couldn't sleep. I woke up Saturday and Dani did my makeup which was really nice of her and I think she did a good job. I was again really nervous for this ceremony because this time I was walking across a stage to get a memento of sorts. Also my whole entire family was coming to this ceremony as well as other important people in my life. I was having panic attacks in the morning and almost crying and Dani had just done my makeup so I had to keep calming myself down. Then my mom came in and told me how proud she was of me and almost made me cry again! The ceremony ended up going well and I found some friends to sit with so I wasn't alone. However when I was walking across the stage and I basically tuned everyone out and just looked straight ahead. I didn't hear anyone cheering for me because I was just way to nervous.

My mom threw a party for me and we had Eegees and cup cakes as well as a couple of other treats. It was a very a nice day but again I ended up being really exhausted but like I said I couldn't sleep :o(.

We celebrated Christmas with my brother and his family today. We had a family breakfast and then opened presents. After they left I went with my mom to the grocery store because it's her birthday and I thought I'd help out. After that I have pretty much just sat here doing nothing except reading through my google reader and uhh staring at the wall. If there are any mistakes in this I apologize now but I'm too tired to go back and read through it and check it!

Energy Talk Radio in Hawaii w/ Master Sha Soul Healer http://ping.fm/99alF

Learn from Enlightened Siddah Master on Energy Talk Radio http://ping.fm/4IHhM

Sir David Hawkins on Life w/out Limitation-Energy Talk Radio! http://ping.fm/ho283

I have one more final in my under graduate career and right now I am just thinking about all the books I can finally read.

Well that and what to get my masters in...