Book_Junkie’s Neighborhood

I will be doing an interview via live streaming on the Internet with www.wcanradio.com on Hollywood today with Brad Evans on Saturday Nov 21st at 12pm EST. Oh billy, Can't wait to see your gorgeous face live streaming!

http://www.wcanradio.com/hollywood.html#

After I wrote that article about Plurk v.s. Facebook yesterday, I have second thought in my mind.  Why did I care some much about that?    Even no one comments on my wall, replies back to my question or leaves a feedback, so what?  What is the real reason that upsets me so much? 

Recently, I start trying out the new software called "PLURK".  Someone called it as a "micro-blog" cause you are only allowed to leave limited short message. It has couple features as similar as Facebook such as writing something on the wall, upload pictures or share videos. The big difference between them is [PLURK] combines the instant message feature. Therefore, you can comment or reply to others as using MSN or yahoo messenger. This feature adds lots charm on this unusual software for sure.  

Hope everyone has a great Halloween and weekend.

Billy xoxo

A few funny things for today..

HAHAHA.. ASS CASTLE.  I'm doing NOTHING today and it's freakin' wonderful!  A first in a looooong time!  Well, I have a lecture to attend for class that isn't mandatory..but I'll probably go anyways.  The best part about today is that I actually got some real sleep!  My insomnia mixed with school work out the ass hasn't been doing much for me.  The other night I can home after pulling my all nighter.. I slept for about 3 hours and woke up around 2 or 3 and just laid in bed awake the rest of the night.. it was aweful!   But- on the upside, I'm well rested now and taking it easy..soooo yay.

Hope everyone else is having a good day too!

<3,
Kersten ^^)

Some days I can't help but think:

Is there anywhere that I really belong?? It may just be my perspective that needs changing, but I feel like no matter where I go I seem to stick out, and it's not like my clothing, or something obvious like that.. I dunno, I can't really put my finger on it.  **I realize I'm probably just being sensitive today and therefore taking this out of context, but back home I never, never really felt like I fit Tulsa.  So far, I have been totally right about that fact!  I lived in Tulsa my entire life and have substantial roots there- family, friends, ect.  Tulsa just seemed to not have what I needed to really grow artistically and in the scope of life experience I def. think it hindered what I have always wanted and dreamed about. 

On the other hand, Savannah is beautiful and unique and like a little Art World Bubble- well, if you are a SCAD kid that is. I love it for this reason, and the location/opportunities so far have been awesome!  The weirdest part has been making close friends! I have a hard time even understanding what I might be doing wrong.  Am I approaching people the wrong way? Am I being too forward?  Am I not putting enough out there?  I really don't know!  It's fucking frustrating bc it isn't as if I'm not trying!  ughhh.  I'm not really sad about it, I'm just determined!! I want to make this place while I'm here the best experience I can- and I don't want to give up.  I just hope that at some point in time, if not in Savannah- then wherever I move to next that I really and truly find my place in this world- People and or person that I click with.  (At this point, I'm really hoping that there are aliens out there in the galaxy and that they come to Earth- maybe I'll fit in with them ;P  I kid. I kid.)   This is my theme for today and this past couple of weeks really:

I forgot how powerful LP used to be..well, and still is.  Chester is fucking incredible. I STILL have my best workouts to this cd!

 Still, I completely relate to this feeling he brings out in the song.  This anger of trying and seeming to fail each time and with each fall feeling the emptiness of those losses, that taste of rejection or being misunderstood or sometimes not being seen at all.  A constant search for that peace of mind and to feel a sense of wholeness. To be " known" and to be "understood" and most importantly to be liked because of these things, both the good and bad parts.  Of course, the opposite is just as important. I've never really cared much for acquaintances- they are good for networking/work situations, but who are those people really? They come and go so easily and never in that span of "friendship" do they ever really know me or I them?? For that matter, really care about me?  I for them??  Even in the sorority when I lived with 40 other girls that I call my "sisters," we were all friends, but I didn't feel close to most of them and truthfully I know they don't give a damn about me, not then, certainly not now.   I'd rather have a small group and/or a person that I know I can trust and really show myself to- underneath my humor, underneath my awkwardness, underneath it all- where just being is enough.  I want to be able to see this in someone else as well.  To be trusted and to see them completely- to be that support and that person that they know they don't have pretend to be happy around when they're not- it's ok to not be ok, ya know? Where things can be fucked up, your true opinions and most fucked up thoughts are safe to share and kept by that person/those people.  I want that in friendship.  I can only hope that I find it in Savannah and the sooner the better!  I hope to find friendship that strives to make each person better, is strong despite fights or distance or faults, doesn't care about status, is real, unabashed, forgiving, "just clicks" and best of all is fun! :)  Basically, a friend a lot like Casee. LOL  

Well on to the current Friend Issues:  George

George is really cool and I think he will be a really great person to know, the only problem is that I am pretty sure he really likes me <-- which totally blows! I want a good guy friend here in Savannah and at first that's what I thought was happening, but we went to see Zombieland Friday night and he insisted on buying my ticket and then bought popcorn and the drinks, that wasn't so bad (Erik and some of my other guy friends buying me stuff and it's no big) until I noticed today that every time I see him he tells me I look pretty. I don't know what to do with that except maybe let him down gently.  I have to be honest, I'm not looking forward to talking to him about it bc I love hanging out with him and don't want him to not want to hang out just bc I'm not interested in him like that. :L   I'm probably jumping the gun here, but he plays soccer twice a week outdoors with his friends and then plays indoor during the winter season and he said that we could start our own team which would kick SO much ass!!!!  Also, he already invited me to his friends Halloween party- which as of right now- I have NO plans! :(   Halloween is my family's favorite holiday, and this is the first year to be away from my parents and all the usual crazy family traditions.  It has been making me kinda sadface to even think that I might be spending Halloween sitting at home alone, which I pretty much refuse to let happen!  Sooo..hopefully if not George's party then something with one of the girls I already mentioned. 

What to do??  I just feel bad.  He has been treating me so great and has been filling the void of my best friends that I'm missing and the newest hole that Neena is leaving.  I mentioned that I wanted to go to a haunted house and carve pumpkins, but wanted a pumpkin from a pumpkin patch because it's so much more fun that way! lol.  I haven't had any luck though in finding a pumpkin patch anywhere and George told me today that he found one that we can go to on Tuesday and then also said that he knows of a great haunted house that we can go to later this week after we play soccer with his friends and after we carve pumpkins with my sister & Garrett!  <-- See!!  He's going to all of this trouble for me, it's obvious huh?  I feel like a douche!! In a way, I wish I were attracted to him- he would make the best/sweetest boyfriend, but nonetheless, not interested AT ALL like that. ...SIGH....

I don't want to mislead him and I want to maintain an awesome friendship, totally blows!   When should I say something?  Or should I not?

1) Start a new indoor soccer team with George or join a coed one for winter season.

2) Get a job!  <--I can't believe I still havent! dumb!

3) Run everyday!

4) Get to bed at a decent hour (unlike right now!)

5) work on my painting for my parents xmas gift

6) network!!

7) email and call the appraiser in South Carolina for apprenticeship

8) Check on weekend coming up getaway!

9) Buy a new bike seat to replace the stolen one! BTW, who steals JUST the seat??? It's not even anything fancy! wft?

10) Continue to work on not being awkward!! I dunno why I do it either! It's so stupid..I make things that shouldn't be awkward..unbelievably..well, AWKWARD! grrrr.  I think if I ever meet a guy that can make a situation that I started to accidentally make uncomfortable suddenly NOT uncomfortable with I dunno..a joke or something?  <- Yeah. LOL. I will say this.. Marry me?  Then, he will stare at me blankly and then we will resume to awkwardness again. hahaha.  jk. jk.  It is a problem though, and it has become second nature almost- it's a bad habit that I am working on breaking!  Guess I gotta stick to it! Such a dumb habit huh?? lmao.

11) Find a friend group!!  I never ever thought that this would take so long! It's bizarre! I get along with people great, I just haven't yet seemed to meet a group of people that I really, really, really click with. Ya know, the types that you just call up randomly to talk, go do something at the last minute, or call for advice.  I have a few good acquaintances (ie- Whitney, George, Diana, Kathrine, and Garrett; although Garrett I met through my sister)  that may turn into good friendships, but I dunno yet.  Neena and I haven't spent much time together, and looking back at everything I think it's for the best.  I really like her and think she's a great person, but with what happened it just made me see everything differently and I want to find other friends that will be better in the long run.   

There are more that were in my brain..I need to sleep bc I forgot them  =S   damnit. 

Tonight before the 10 drunken phone calls I received from back home and while doing homework haha..this happened lol:

playing around...

1 comment

break from doing homework

1 comment

Ok,Ok..I'm off to bed!  Good night world.

<3,

K

Even though I traveled a lot when I was young, I am still afraid of traveling alone.  Especially I just had a bad experience 10 months ago.  Seriously, how difficult to take planes from one to another.  The issue for me is the connected flight.  I remember I have a problem to catch my connected flight cause United took a decay to de-icy its plane in Denver. Therefore, I have to run for my life to get my next flight (from LA) to Taiwan.  Fortunately, I got in on the last second.  An amazing experience but I totally freaked out.  Especial a foreigner with poor English ability like me,  you will know how easy I got scary.  If you have been my situation, you will understand how hard it will be.  I know I can always ask for help.  The worst thing is you didn't get any but attitude when you finally asked one. Hopefully, that is just one time experience.  Now, I am preparing to go on another trip alone tonight. (already Nervous)   I wish I can get a smooth transfer and arrival this time.  (Cross my finger and Pray hard.) 

Degenki_chara045

"It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep because my dreams are bursting at the seams"  <3 <3

This song makes me smile and want to go lay in the grass looking at the stars. ^^)